Today, it’s been a year. It feels more like a minute. Maybe a week.
And you know what? It’s okay.
It’s okay for me to go to the cemetery at 7:00 in the morning, and it’s okay to leave a rose and a note and a kiss on the frozen stone.
It’s okay to get a little teary when I see a grandma playing in the snow with her grandchild. It’s okay for me to think how sad it is that my children will never know their grandma in this world. And it’s okay that they’ll never understand what a loss that is.
It’s okay to wear the locket in public, to school.
It’s okay to space out in class and get that wrinkle above my eyebrows, because it’s okay to be thinking about exactly one year ago, when I got the text message of sentence fragments that shattered my perfect little world.
It’s okay to feel weak when my best friends tell me there’s no way they could go through anything like this without their husbands, and that they don’t know how I’m doing it alone, and it’s okay to long to not be alone.
It’s okay to cry in front of people.
~
But also, it’s okay to be happy. It's okay to smile, and mean it.
It’s okay to laugh, and have dance parties with your roommates late at night, and be impulsive, and irresponsible.
It’s okay to go for an entire hour without thinking of her, and it’s okay to think happy thoughts when I do think of her.
It’s okay to wear bright colors.
It’s okay to be okay.
Today, I want to be okay.
Today, my friends are a box of Kleenex and a good book. I'll probably have to visit Keturah, she always cheers me up. Sometimes it was a year ago. Sometimes it was yesterday.
ReplyDeleteAnd who says you're alone?
I love you, and your Mom is thrilled with the woman you are becoming.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. And you are right, it is okay. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI love you Brooke, thank you for inspiring me to be a better person every day.
ReplyDeleteWe still need to meet for reals. You are one of the strongest people I know.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. You, your mom, your strength. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt really is okay and that's what makes life so rich and beautiful. Thanks for sharing and for helping me remember!
ReplyDelete