Today, in the labyrinth hallway of the Marriott Center, I had a breakdown in the middle of Homecoming Spectacular.
The first time I ran into the camera man, it was my fault. I was texting and talking to a friend and not paying attention. He glared at me from over the wire of his headset.
The second time, later, he bumped into me. He had a huge orange extension cord, and it wacked my leg as he ran around the corner. He only stopped running for a few seconds.
“Hasn’t your mother told you lately to watch where you’re going?”
…
I couldn’t move.
No, Mr. Camera Man. My mother has not told me lately to watch where I'm going.
I don’t think he realizes how much I would give for the chance to hear my mother tell me anything.
Eventually the walls stopped swimming. I salvaged my stage makeup just in time to give my favorite camera man my most happy smile for the finale song.
I know it's silly. Mostly it’s just because I’m stressed out, and tired, which makes all the little things add up. I can’t do many more of these 15-hour non-stop days. I can’t do another week of 3 midterms and a paper. I can’t do 25 more freshman interviews, and I can’t invest so much emotional energy in them. I can’t spend so much time taking care of people and forget to take care of myself. And I can’t seem to stop wanting to be taken care of.
Oh well.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
Robert Frost
Here are things making me happy:
1. my angel roommates, who fold my clothes and make me food and brush my hair with their fingers and let me get stage makeup tears on their bed and tease me about how I'm a blue
2. weeks can’t last forever, and this one is almost over
3. date on Saturday!
4. two weekends from now, I get to sleep in on Saturday. Can’t wait.
Time for bed, so I can wake up in 5 hours and do all this again tomorrow.
What can I say? I love you so much and wish I could help take the sorrow away. All I know how to do is buy bamboo plants and pants with ankle zippers. Now I know why people used to wear black for so long after they lost someone dear--it matches how they feel.
ReplyDeleteGlad your roommates are taking good care of you! And I hope you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Chin up and steady on...maybe those shirtless runners will come by again? Was the camera man married?
julie. you're a gem.
ReplyDeletebrooke. yes you're blue. and i'll only tease you a little bit for it.
also, i'd like to meet this camerajerk and have a... 'talk'.