Today, I'm not thinking about blogs. I'm not thinking about thrifting or DIY crafts or how to beautify the lovenest or silly little anecdotes of my everyday life.
I'm thinking about this day two years ago.
This was the day I got a text that shattered my perfect little life.
I'm thinking about red-eye flights that first night.
I'm thinking of a few days after that, taking the kids trick-or-treating. The neighbors asked with their eyes, and found their answer when I couldn't meet their gaze.
I'm thinking of home-delivered hospice beds, midnight shifts, and a yard full of balloons.
I'm thinking of love. Love and charity and peace and angels like I've never seen before.
I'm thinking of high heels that sank into a snowy graveyard, and breath that rose into the air. Yesterday I left one red gerbera, a box of hot tamales, and a lot of tears at that cemetery. And a penny for the angel statue's collection.
I'm thinking of eternity.
Sometimes things happen in your life, and you instantly know you will never be the same again. I won't be the same. Not a day goes by where I feel like I'm the same.
But the thing is - it's not in the blueprints to remain the same. The plan is to learn and grow and change.
As Estella once said, "I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape."
I don't think there's anything left to say. Except "We miss you more than ever." Throughout this whole difficult turning point, Brooke, you have shown your true colors. And they are beautiful through and through.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm supposed to be older, and I guess maybe stronger?, but I don't think I could have made it without you. Hearts to you.
Even with the perspective of eternal families, it's so hard to go through the grieving process and missing a loved one.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather died over five years ago- my senior year of high school. I catch myself talking about him like he's still alive and then people realize he isn't once they start asking questions. I think of him daily and still shed a tear or two every time I think of how much I loved him.
I know overtime your heart feels less broken.
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost a friend today to suicide. He is the first person in my life that I have lost. It's scary and confusing. Thank goodness for the Plan of Happiness. It puts things into perspective even if it doesn't make it easy right away.
ReplyDeleteSo happy you found my blog so that i could find yours. I am in love. Your writing is gorgeous. And so are you. I just read your about me, your start here and your love story. I can't wait to read more.
brooke, you are amazing. these words are brimming with emotion. i love it. :)
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