my students say the darnedest things {vol. 5}

The craziness continues in the fifth grade. It's a good thing I love the craziness! I swear I have the best job in the world.

Excuses for being absent/tardy:
"I went swimming yesterday and my legs were really sore, so I had to stay home and rest them."

"My little cousin is sick. We had to stay home in case he got worse and we had to go play with him. He lives two hours away."

"It was really cold this morning and I thought it might become a snow day." (it hadn't snowed for a week and a half)

"My mom had to go to the doctor this morning, and it's too much for her to get herself and me ready for school, so I had to stay home until she got back from the doctor."


Gifts:
I got a sandwich-sized ziploc baggie with random things floating around in it: a quarter, a nickel, two big marshmallows, a caramel. It was a very sweet gesture, but I didn't quite know what to do with it.

"Mrs. Emery, I made you this drawing. I messed up on it too many times to keep, so I thought I'd give it to you."


They think teacher life is the cush life:
Student: "Mrs. Emery, it's not fair that the teachers get to sit on chairs at assemblies, but the kids have to sit on the ground!"
Me: "One day, when you have to corral 30 kids into a gym and keep them quiet during the whole assembly, you too can sit on a metal chair."

Student: "Mrs. Emery, it's not fair that teachers get to stay inside during recess, but the kids have to go out even when it's snowing! Oh, wait. Why are you putting your coat on? Do you have bus duty?"

Student: "Mrs. Emery, it's not fair that teachers get to have a snack during recess whenever they want!"
Me: "One day when you're a teacher, and it's 9AM and you've already been up and teaching for hours, and you're pregnant, you too can scarf down a banana during recess."

Things they want to do before they're 100 years old:

• Get a flying squirrel costume and jump off my house.
• Die, because nobody wants to feel that old and terrible, and still be alive.
• Discover a new element.
• Motorcycle jump over 16 school buses.
• Learn evry lang (learn every language)
• Become smarter than Albert Einstein
• Graduate colledge and get all my batchelerettes (I asked my student what "get all my batchelerettes" means, and she said "you know, it's like you get a bachelorette at graduation." "Oh, you mean bachelors of science degree?" "Yeah, but I'm a girl, so it's bachelorette. And I'm definitely not going to do science.")

Good times, good times. I'm tellin ya, 5th grade is the sweet spot of all elementary grades. I love it.