my students say the darnedest things {vol. 5}

Today was maturation day in 5th grade... easily the most hilarious day of the school year. So much drama! Add that to my awesome, funny class in general, and you get a lot of good quotes. (Some of these are from my neighboring teachers too.)

Maturation day:
Boy: "That was probably the freakiest thing I've ever heard in my life."

Girl: "I'm not nervous about today because my parents already talked to me about everything they're going to talk about. It was weird though, because the whole time when they talked to me, I kept laughing. Nothing was funny, but I just kept laughing the whole time they were talking to me about maturation stuff."

Boy, who looks really sad: "Didn't they used to give you free deodorant afterwards?"
Me: "Yeah they did. Their budget was cut this year though, so no deodorant."
Boy: "Dang. My brother said shoving your deodorant into the girls faces is the best part."

During math:
Student: "I try and try, but I'll never remember the word cross-reducing. Can't we just call it the super duper shortcut way?"
Another student: "No way! That's the confusing way. Let's call it the guaranteed to get the wrong answer way!"

About my baby (my whole class is obsessed with my baby. It's kind of cute):
"Name her Blakely!"

"Name her Jersey!"

"Name her my name!"

"Name her Neveah! That's heaven spelled backwards! Isn't that cool?!" (I get at least one request for the name Neveah per week)

And a kid on the playground during bus duty: "My sister said it's a girl. Can you make it be a boy instead?"


Practicing their opening paragraphs for a persuasive essay: 
(I told them to pick any topic they want, since I was only checking for structure)
"Have you ever wanted to burst into flames? The best way to die is to put gasoline on your s'mores before you roast them. First of all, it's been cold lately. Next, dying in dumb ways gets you straight to heaven. Finally, fire's the new fashion. That's why the coolest way to die is by putting gasoline on your s'mores before you roast them."

"Do you ever get sick of boring yellow bananas? Purple bananas are way better than yellow. First of all, yellow is such a boring color. In addition, purple bananas don't even taste like real bananas. Finally, they are cheaper than yellow bananas because they have never been tested on humans. In the end, purple bananas are better than yellow bananas."

"Unicorns are better than chubby babies. First of all, unicorns can give you wishes but chubby babies cannot. Also, unicorns are full of sprinkles. Chubby babies are full of poop. Last but not least, unicorns are fluffy, but chubby babies are fat and vicious. In conclusion, unicorns are better than chubby babies."
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If you ever need a pick-me-up, just observe an elementary school classroom. It's the guaranteed fastest way for you to laugh your head off AND gain a new appreciation for your relatively few kids, quiet house, and peaceful life. And all in five minutes! :)