my students say the darnedest things {vol. 6}

What can I say about the last few weeks of teaching? As testing winds down and the weather gets warmer, the kids get more and more crazy. Which amounts to more and more hilarity here in the fifth grade. This is why I love my job.

A boy to his friend:
"I have two words for you: NEW. POKEMON. CARDS."

Teacher in the hallway:
"In second grade, we keep our arms out of our pants."

My student to her peer tutoring partner:
"Now now, if we only do that, we won't be learning as much as we could be. Would you be happy only doing the smallest amount of work for the rest of your life? Don't you want to really learn?" (Future teacher of America right here, folks. She gives better lectures than I do!)

Student:
"By the way, you look really good for a pregnant lady. You should see my mom when she gets pregnant. She gets huge all over."

After the principal made an announcement about the Coke machine being out of order in the faculty room:
Student: Stands up, points at me. "I KNEW you guys were hiding a Coke machine down there!"
Me: "The secret's out, I guess. We also have an ice cream machine and a birthday cake machine down there. Oh, and they're all free."
Student: "Don't mess with me after I finally learned the truth about the Coke machine."

4th grader holding back tears at recess:
"He said these are cumulus clouds in the sky right now. He's wrong! I know he's wrong! They're cumulo-nimbus! I know they are!"

Games I've broken up at recess: (these were all innocent, but still)

• CPR
• ride 'em cowboy
• face-to-face dog-piling girls vs boys

Random second grader at recess:
Walks past me, looks at me, stops, walks backwards to me.
Pointing to my belly: "Is there a baby in there?"
Me: "Yes."
Comes up to me, hugs my tummy with two hands and puts her head on it. Stays there. Starts rubbing.
Me: "Heh heh." Awkwardly patting her head, trying to get her to stop.
She doesn't stop.
Me: "Uh thanks." Trying to pull away. Paranoid that a parent will come around the corner and see us in this weird embrace.
She finally stops. Turns around, starts walking away.
"By the way, it usually really hurts when they get the baby out of there."
Walks away.

Student:
"The sub you got for us was weird. She said when she was a teenager, she swore off men and she's never looked back. I thought that was weird, since I'm not allowed to swear at men or women."

You can't make these things up, people. 

If you're ever in need of a good laugh, come spend a day observing my classroom. 

You won't be disappointed :)