39 weeks in, 39 weeks out

In a few days, baby girl will have been outside of me for as long as she was inside me. 39 weeks and 1 day, to be exact. Isn't that crazy? It brings back a deluge of memories of the day I had Claire. It was such a long day. I was so exhausted. I was so happy. (Read Claire's abbreviated birth story here).

Sometimes my mind still can't wrap around the fact that I'm a mom. I'll hear myself casually saying the phrase "my daughter," and then I think "I have a daughter! I'm a mom! Ha!" Aren't moms the ones who are all old and mature and stuff? I think about the moms I knew putting around the periphery of my childhood. Aren't I supposed to be driving a minivan and cutting up orange slices for an after-school snack? Moms don't stay up late laughing with friends or binge watch Netflix or leave dirty dishes in the sink. (Apparently I'm still stuck in the limited view I had of motherhood growing up in the early 1990s. Although the moms I knew as a child were all undoubtedly more responsible than me.)

But then I think about being Claire's mom, and it all makes sense. Of course I'm her mom. I've always been her mom. I knew it the second I saw her, all purple and screaming. "I know you!" I thought. "I'm your mom!" I'm the one who knows the difference between her scared cry and her hungry cry and her tired cry. If someone else is holding her and she starts to fuss, I'm the one they give her to, because I'm the one who knows her needs. I'm the one who did the midnight feedings, followed by the 3am feedings, followed by the 6am feedings. It's me. I'm the one who introduced her to soft blankets, to the sounds the garbage truck makes when it comes, to the taste of real food. I'm the one who gets the snuggles and the smiles and the bathtime splashes and the giggles.

Being a mom is the best full-time job I've ever had. I still love my part-time jobs (and I especially love that my part-time jobs pay me for my work!), but I really really love my full-time job. I wouldn't change it for anything.

I love these little mommy and me pictures. Usually I'm the one behind the camera, but it's so nice to capture these little moments with my Eclaire.

Happy 39 weeks and 1 day to us, baby girl! I'm so glad I get to be your mom!

PS for those of you who asked on Instagram, Claire's dress is a vintage hand-me-down from my little sister, her moccasins are from Freshly Picked, and her clip is from Bijou market (can't remember which vendor!).